


Begin Again

by vsnow



Series: Gellert & Vinda Friendship/Backstory [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Drug Addiction, Friendship, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attack, Self-Harm, perfectionist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:37:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vsnow/pseuds/vsnow
Summary: He imparted upon her something she felt she would never forget, “Now is now, it’s never too late to begin.”
Relationships: Gellert Grindelwald & Vinda Rosier
Series: Gellert & Vinda Friendship/Backstory [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607923
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Begin Again

She had no idea how or why it happened-

All Vinda knew was that the moment she felt the liquid in her glass hit her lips it felt as though a wave had crashed into her. It was enough to knock her unsteady, taking her completely off guard. 

The sound of shattering glass suddenly sounded so distant. Her now empty hand trembled despite her best efforts to keep her body still.

Everything felt like nothing, and a single thought alone ran through her mind.

_You are dying._

It was a fact, something Vinda could not deny. Because she had known all along, right?

That glass had contained poison. A poison that had once seemed like an antidote to all her life’s problems, all the anxiety she had felt. But like most things, excess can be dangerous.

She had known this.

Yet at some point she had lost herself to it, taking part in a ritual she no longer wanted to be a part of, her mind betraying her every time she tried to stop.

And now, Vinda feared, her body had finally decided for her that she had done enough damage.

Her heart beat quickened, her breath becoming shallow… “ _I am going to die._ ” She spoke to herself alone.

But hadn’t this been exactly what she had been working towards her entire life?

Hadn’t she been unafraid as she had sliced gashes into her legs, watching numbly as blood ran in rivers? Hadn’t she been so unafraid as she had consumed those unsafe doses of medication that had been stolen from muggle pharmacies in her teenage years. Hadn’t she been unafraid to drink until the world spun around her. Hadn’t she been unafraid of the darkness these things had brought?

How many times had she fallen unconscious, on what felt like the brink of death, only to wake and repeat the same thing.

How had she not been afraid until now?

Or had she been…and the only comfort she had to turn to **was** that darkness.

Vinda had wanted for so long to run away from the illusion of perfection that had always surrounded her. She remembered how she had felt so mature as a child, too comfortable with the lies being told around her.

Because she didn’t know any better.

It wasn’t until she began to learn just how imperfect the world was that the illusion began to fall away. And so pride at never having a single hair out of place quickly became loneliness at the understanding that if she were ever to trip and fall, those around her would gladly walk over her body without pausing a moment to look down.

She was alone.

She would die alone.

She would die.

Vinda felt dizzy now, her breathing hindered by liquids that ran both from her eyes and nose respectively.

But she didn’t care, she could only focus on a single truth-

_I am dying._

Her body was even giving up on her now. And so, she would die right here and now, alone in her room. Only the maggots and worms would come to visit her at her surely unmarked grave. Because she was a disgrace. The useless Rosier that would be written out of history.

_No!_

A sudden spark of defiance sparked in Vinda’s mind, pushing away the darkness that loomed… even if for only a second.

Vinda did not want that.

But the thought just kept returning, fed by her body’s response to the thought of inevitability.

It was inevitable…

Vinda tried to resist, feeling a sudden urge to run.

Could she run from death?

At this moment it seemed possible.

And so- she did.

Without a care of how she might appear, she felt herself take flight. Running as though she were in a dream, with no clue of where she was going or even if she was moving at all.

Rounding a corner she came face to face with death-

Yes, death himself. At least, a figure many in the world had begun to look at as death.

But to Vinda-

The impact with Grindelwald had knocked Vinda down to the ground.

She found herself strangely at home on the hard floor. Defeated and exhausted, she dare not look up, sure that the other would simply step around her. And in the moment, she did not care. It had been useless to try to outrun it-

She had been running for longer than she had even been aware she was-

Because it was so natural to her now. She had been running all her life, hiding all her life.

Grindelwald looked over her, taking in the sight of his first in command. She trembled so frightfully as her short breaths were let out by gasping sobs.

She did not know, but-

He had been there.

He knew.

Well, he didn’t **know** exactly. But he felt he could understand.

And so, he tried his hardest to be for her exactly the type of person he had needed for himself.

“Vinda.” He spoke softly to her, “What can I do?”

It took a moment for Vinda to hear his voice, and even longer for the words to reach her in any understandable way. But she did not know.

“We are here in Nurmengard-” Grindelwald attempted.

But another voice was more strong. “I don’t want to die.” Vinda finally revealed her truth, the thought that would not leave her rest.

Grindelwald paused for a moment before asking, “Can I take your hand?”

Vinda nodded, watching as the man took her hand into his own, placing it upon her stomach.

“Try to move your stomach when you breathe.”

There was a moment of fear as Vinda tried to feel anything at all. Was she no longer breathing?

“Do it with me.” Grindelwald offered, inhaling a long and deep breath.

Vinda shook her head, feeling as though she could not possibly.

Grindelwald exhaled, “It’s alright. One more time.” He waited this time until the other seemed ready.

And together they breathed.

With relief, Vinda felt her stomach expand.

She was alive.

Her heart began to slow beat by beat, the world around her becoming more and more manageable to process.

Vinda’s head hurt so terribly, and she felt as though she might not be able to move.

But-

She was alive.

She looked around, finding herself on the floor in one of the main halls of Nurmengard.

“Would you like some water?” Grindelwald asked, offering a handkerchief to her.

Vinda nodded, “In a moment.” It took almost all of her energy to reach out and take the cloth presented to her. She moved to position herself so that her back was towards the wall for support, “You can leave if you like.”

But Grindelwald only sat down beside her, “I think I’d rather stay down here. If you’ll have me.” He spoke so politely.

Vinda sluggishly sent him the smallest of smiles. But it was quickly wiped from her face as she remembered, “I’m sure I have done irreversible damage to myself.” She had braved the wave of emotions, but the residue of that wave, the ripples still haunted her mind.

“The past is the past, you did your best.” Grindelwald seemed to praise, imparting upon her something she felt she would never forget, “Now is now, it’s never too late to begin.”

_It’s not too late._

Slowly, as they sat upon that floor, Vinda tried to remember this new mantra. It acted as a log, helping her to float over ripple after ripple until she found enough strength-

The pair stood from the ground.

It was time to begin again.

~*~

**_A/N:_ ** _So there are many ideas that went behind this that aren’t outright stated in the story. I have other stories about Gellert and Vinda’s friendship and some of their personal struggles._


End file.
